claycalv

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claycalv

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1962
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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claycalv's FML badges

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claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

by fittingroompotty / 03/02/2009 at 8:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

by groomfail / 03/01/2009 at 8:41pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

by thissucks / 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

by Scottrick / 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

by Mike / 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Geek

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

by Noname / 02/28/2009 at 3:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

by Noname / 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

by Ackbar / 02/27/2009 at 10:18am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML

by hellosaila / 02/27/2009 at 2:58am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

by Originality18 / 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

by Jessie / 02/23/2009 at 3:08am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

by Sh.H / 02/22/2009 at 11:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

by Nick / 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

by DB / 02/22/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

by madfather / 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy