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claycalv

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claycalv

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  • Number of visits : 1664
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68898) - you deserved it (2779)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18704) - you deserved it (42370)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14002) - you deserved it (99805)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

#245096
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46714) - you deserved it (37607)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

#245062
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63530) - you deserved it (19560)

On 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm - misc - by poop - United States (Ohio)

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61656) - you deserved it (18037)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

#241205
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57303) - you deserved it (9130)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by marge1010 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

#233372
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64376) - you deserved it (16234)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by astroloser (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

#232857
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23704) - you deserved it (150676)

On 03/07/2009 at 7:03am - intimacy - by Mulee (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

#226271
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26667) - you deserved it (36924)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64978) - you deserved it (3725)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML

#218280
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64484) - you deserved it (4463)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by failout (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML

#214447
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50493) - you deserved it (130103)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

#198130
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14706) - you deserved it (63329)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

#194587
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71642) - you deserved it (20102)

On 03/03/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by asdfasdf - United States (Virginia)



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