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claycalv

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claycalv

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1860
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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claycalv's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

#651066
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31966) - you deserved it (78545)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

#650429
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147447) - you deserved it (27317)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

#640480
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21945) - you deserved it (89012)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:05am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Austria (Vorarlberg)

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

#637198
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67864) - you deserved it (4752)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

#628837
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48269) - you deserved it (24967)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

#598491
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74878) - you deserved it (5681)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

#598465
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (156564) - you deserved it (12601)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by rusty2020 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML

#540189
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79860) - you deserved it (4350)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Lily (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

#438513
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74081) - you deserved it (29017)

On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

#412946
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65375) - you deserved it (29554)

On 03/17/2009 at 2:17pm - money - by RdL (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
523 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59675) - you deserved it (327035)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

#267818
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54145) - you deserved it (12295)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:33am - misc - by EFFED4LIFE (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (253208) - you deserved it (16468)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72281) - you deserved it (3031)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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