Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

claw96

Search for a member

claw96

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 29 June 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 109
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

claw96's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of claw96's badges

claw96's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26868) - you deserved it (3436)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

#20038541
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32158) - you deserved it (1583)

On 08/24/2012 at 12:08am - health - by Neurocardiogenic Syncope - Canada

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

#19777133
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24627) - you deserved it (1714)

On 06/12/2012 at 3:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

#19589899
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21406) - you deserved it (6022)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my apartment was robbed by my landlord. Her logic? "I own the building, and therefore everything in it." That TV cost more than my rent. FML

#19572629
268 comments

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

#19566058
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10903) - you deserved it (27041)

On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

#18973351
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35147) - you deserved it (3415)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

#18507550
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22690) - you deserved it (7197)

On 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm - health - by brownunderwear - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

#17447833
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42754) - you deserved it (6319)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML

#16556165
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50130) - you deserved it (3434)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a little boy called me on the phone, crying "grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say "wrong number." FML

#15250352
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45901) - you deserved it (4202)

On 03/09/2011 at 10:47am - kids - by Waffle -

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

#15109555
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45359) - you deserved it (19060)

On 02/25/2011 at 12:12am - intimacy - by greenchan (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

#14190731
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31333) - you deserved it (3694)

On 12/13/2010 at 1:10pm - misc - by Username - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

#13805619
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27982) - you deserved it (2575)

On 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: