About clarissee : hello follow my tumblr?
About clarissee : hello follow my tumblr?
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clarissee's favorite FMLs
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML
by Tickettoride / 05/04/2013 at 6:24am / Austria (Wien) / Holidays
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
by thatonesilentkidinclass / 05/04/2013 at 4:11am / Philippines (Batangas) / Health
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML
by charishard / 05/04/2013 at 1:17am / United States (Texas) / Work
by annoyedgirl / 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by nottoosmall / 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML
by ShittyWalls / 03/09/2013 at 8:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML
by whaaaaat111 / 03/09/2013 at 7:04am / United States (Virginia) / Money
by Quiteannoyed / 03/09/2013 at 5:35am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Love
Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 11:35am / United States / Work
Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML
by anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 10:52am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML
by Headache / 03/01/2013 at 8:20am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 7:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic,… Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and… Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was…