About clareobryan : I like cats and Ostin.
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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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clareobryan's favorite FMLs
by bhnja_ / 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm / Philippines (Mandaue) / Miscellaneous
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
by phonesmuggler / 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML
by cowgirl927 / 04/18/2013 at 7:26am / United States / Kids
by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck / 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by Zxz / 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML
by save the koalas? uhh / 04/08/2013 at 10:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
by immaturity all around / 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm / United States / Love
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by sickness and health my sphincter / 03/22/2013 at 5:53pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
by DommeAshlee / 03/21/2013 at 2:42pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Animals
by soontobesingle / 03/19/2013 at 7:30am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
- Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't… Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until… Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave…