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claire_schmidt

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claire_schmidt

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 April 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 167
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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claire_schmidt's favorite FMLs

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

#20755309
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40331) - you deserved it (4521)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:36am - health - by TooYoungForThis - Canada

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

#20754518
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56334) - you deserved it (9070)

On 06/29/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by patriarchal apparently (man) - Saint Lucia

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

#20754112
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53854) - you deserved it (6389)

On 06/29/2013 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

#20751029
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37815) - you deserved it (3545)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by smh - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

#20746398
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51608) - you deserved it (3894)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

#20696326
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44700) - you deserved it (2940)

On 05/30/2013 at 10:35pm - work - by heyyoitsapotato - United States

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50700) - you deserved it (23549)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43442) - you deserved it (5870)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49665) - you deserved it (13510)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

#20661280
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38603) - you deserved it (3949)

On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55448) - you deserved it (9860)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

#20156633
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22182) - you deserved it (2882)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

#20110486
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24436) - you deserved it (1648)

On 10/10/2012 at 1:38pm - misc - by tiredofthis - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

#20020311
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23411) - you deserved it (6743)

On 08/14/2012 at 8:17am - intimacy - by cl4ptp (woman) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)



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