About cl4ptp : I'm crap at writing these things, feel free to message me :)
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33257) - you deserved it (2993)
On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51664) - you deserved it (10588)
On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44733) - you deserved it (26652)
On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69806) - you deserved it (3085)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49407) - you deserved it (5748)
On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26633) - you deserved it (3590)
On 04/02/2013 at 5:22am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27082) - you deserved it (4052)
On 03/24/2013 at 11:56am - kids - by Gixie (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)
Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34829) - you deserved it (5212)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29892) - you deserved it (11889)
On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States
Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25725) - you deserved it (2650)
Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33594) - you deserved it (7840)
On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28573) - you deserved it (6238)
On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19438) - you deserved it (7485)
On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States
Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36214) - you deserved it (2964)
On 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29603) - you deserved it (2051)
On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
