Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 7 March 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1856
  • Number of comments : 230
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 47 posted

About cjwayy : I love alternative music and think anime is fucking weird. I'm from Chicago but I live in Washington state. I have a mentally challenged and obese pug/french bulldog mix named Oliver, as well as a beautiful lab/pit mix named Stella. But you probably don't care. I'm happily in a relationship with an amazing guy :) I lived in Shanghai, China for 4 years and I love to travel. I like a really wide range of music, from Metallica to Green Day to Fall Out Boy to Iggy Azalea. But I mainly listen to alt/pop like The Cranberries, No Doubt, Alanis Morrisette, etc.

cjwayy's page activity

Visits<b>DrWonders29</b> - 5 hours ago<b>sherbear78</b> - 6 hours ago<b>gwho</b> - 8 hours ago<b>AdolphHipster</b> - 9 hours ago<b>santosb1</b> - 9 hours ago<b>starcaller17</b> - 10 hours ago<b>pks2014</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Faithilicious123</b> - 11 hours ago<b>ayeitsjuan</b> - 12 hours ago<b>HerpaderpGlaze</b> - 12 hours ago<b>noah_1234</b> - 13 hours ago<b>Spillelister</b> - 13 hours ago<b>patd77</b> - 15 hours ago<b>airborneranger7</b> - 16 hours ago<b>Broadway_Vayne</b> - 18 hours ago<b>mystery_user</b> - 18 hours ago<b>RainbowSkyCloud</b> - 18 hours ago<b>saf99me</b> - 19 hours ago

Liked!<b>gwho</b> - 2 hours ago<b>HerpaderpGlaze</b> - 6 hours ago<b>Corey122726</b> - yesterday at 6:50pm<b>superamericankr</b> - yesterday at 4:15pm<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 4:40am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 11:41am<b>patd77</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 10:47am<b>thatsawkward7</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:12pm<b>dakatabg</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 5:13am<b>FutureMatty</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 2:03pm<b>gogators941</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 5:16am<b>SoliDSt33L</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 7:15pm<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 1:47pm<b>zachali21</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 6:10am<b>gummybeargirl</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:16am<b>jgwyh</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 3:11pm<b>MrCareless</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 7:52am<b>sanuxo_</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 7:25am

cjwayy's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!


Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of cjwayy's badges

cjwayy's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15344) - you deserved it (34962)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37141) - you deserved it (4991)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37049) - you deserved it (10068)

On 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML


I agree, your life sucks (38699) - you deserved it (23848)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML


I agree, your life sucks (43252) - you deserved it (7017)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML


I agree, your life sucks (40755) - you deserved it (3480)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41444) - you deserved it (2994)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48284) - you deserved it (8266)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37855) - you deserved it (6632) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2013 at 9:46am - misc - by Cacahuete (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40709) - you deserved it (41284)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21675) - you deserved it (2305)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29704) - you deserved it (4134)

On 01/03/2012 at 11:35am - money - by cul8erqtpie20 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28159) - you deserved it (13789)

On 09/05/2011 at 12:38am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26462) - you deserved it (14150)

On 05/20/2011 at 6:07am - misc - by Max Flynn -

FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: