christin3mariee

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Offline (the 01/15/2014 at 3:53pm)

christin3mariee

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  • Number of visits : 50
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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50 favourites

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christin3mariee's favorite FMLs

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

by IneedMaury / 06/16/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 11:24am / Germany / Intimacy

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

by green and not with envy / 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2014 at 6:44pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

by fat and alone / 06/05/2014 at 12:11am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

by fuckmuppet / 05/27/2014 at 1:04pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2014 at 6:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

by dieana / 05/16/2014 at 8:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

by taintedlover / 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

by kendrox / 05/02/2014 at 3:11am / United States (Indiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

by brodinn / 04/11/2014 at 9:48am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous