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chrismrwilson

Offline (the 04/02/2014 at 2:51pm) | Search for a member

chrismrwilson

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  • Number of visits : 81
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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chrismrwilson's favorite FMLs

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43230) - you deserved it (8265)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56111) - you deserved it (7058)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68317) - you deserved it (9010)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42161) - you deserved it (8568)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40044) - you deserved it (1826)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24162) - you deserved it (2739)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

#20024961
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26022) - you deserved it (1647)

On 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Samantha (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

#19296842
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25113) - you deserved it (10142)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by unendowed - United States (Texas)

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

#19240450
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24652) - you deserved it (6614)

On 03/08/2012 at 5:23pm - misc - by shelly - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML

#18896901
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17299) - you deserved it (30968)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:50am - intimacy - by elisimo - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

#14190460
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40261) - you deserved it (9886)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

#7113361
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25821) - you deserved it (3003)

On 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm - kids - by arachnidphobia (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33743) - you deserved it (8847)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after driving a few hours late at night I decided to entertain the car tailgating me by not letting him pass. After doing this for 3miles, reaching 93MPH, I decided to let the car pass me. When I switched lanes, the car tailgating me light up in red and blue. It was a cop. FML

#1363713
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9935) - you deserved it (88187)

On 04/26/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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