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choppedNskrewed

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choppedNskrewed
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 80928
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

#316812
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76329) - you deserved it (5219)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

#297200
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10135) - you deserved it (67838)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

#296354
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12220) - you deserved it (61327)

On 03/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

#290845
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84367) - you deserved it (3489)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - money - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48819) - you deserved it (300001)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21628) - you deserved it (71660)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49036) - you deserved it (93059)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

#135625
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57584) - you deserved it (7066)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

#70656
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43693) - you deserved it (10843)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:27pm - kids - by girlmeetsworld - United States (New York)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16264) - you deserved it (26795)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I need to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone has left work, I decide that, since I AM a jedi, my penis ought to be my Light saber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: “At least someone is having fun!” It was my boss. FML

#523
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5835) - you deserved it (20272)

On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - Sent from mobile version

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

#509
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8332) - you deserved it (45950)

On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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