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choppedNskrewed

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choppedNskrewed

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  • Number of visits : 81829
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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choppedNskrewed's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

#316812
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80865) - you deserved it (5688)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

#297200
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10862) - you deserved it (69498)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

#296354
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13007) - you deserved it (62877)

On 03/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

#290845
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91001) - you deserved it (3981)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - money - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54279) - you deserved it (314568)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22684) - you deserved it (73345)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52391) - you deserved it (98261)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

#135625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64642) - you deserved it (8303)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

#70656
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46922) - you deserved it (11894)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:27pm - kids - by girlmeetsworld - United States (New York)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20034) - you deserved it (34116)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I need to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone has left work, I decide that, since I AM a jedi, my penis ought to be my Light saber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: “At least someone is having fun!” It was my boss. FML

#523
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7712) - you deserved it (28870)

On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - Sent from mobile version

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

#509
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10804) - you deserved it (59215)

On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version



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