Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

choppedNskrewed

Search for a member

choppedNskrewed

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 81443
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

choppedNskrewed's page activity

Visits<b>brittanyavido</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 9:19am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 10:31pm<b>como_un_jefe</b> - the 03/17/2013 at 4:11pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:20pm<b>Karamelo</b> - the 04/01/2011 at 6:42pm<b>abradant_spoon</b> - the 01/08/2010 at 12:52am<b>snoosnoo</b> - the 01/04/2010 at 8:54am<b>stung_09</b> - the 06/27/2009 at 1:02pm<b>redbluegreen</b> - the 05/30/2009 at 7:57am<b>brianflinn</b> - the 05/29/2009 at 6:07pm<b>wairdt</b> - the 05/29/2009 at 5:32pm<b>username666</b> - the 05/29/2009 at 5:07pm<b>innnadaze</b> - the 05/28/2009 at 1:52pm<b>MtDewAddict</b> - the 05/28/2009 at 9:35am<b>APrincess11</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 10:12pm<b>scottyz1</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 9:24pm<b>sdouaji</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 5:52pm<b>nokiac_b</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 4:21pm

choppedNskrewed's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

choppedNskrewed's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35479) - you deserved it (92805)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

#1183263
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12906) - you deserved it (64759)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

#1175700
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45043) - you deserved it (7519)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

#1152672
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102797) - you deserved it (6221)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

#1070820
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41323) - you deserved it (15256)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by shutupandsmile18 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

#1054716
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28609) - you deserved it (51889)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

#984041
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42095) - you deserved it (22466)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94938) - you deserved it (38898)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML

#969770
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56869) - you deserved it (13001)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by chriss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

#963044
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43376) - you deserved it (28818)

On 04/14/2009 at 12:44am - love - by dramaqueen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

#958764
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60809) - you deserved it (6883)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

#948871
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98766) - you deserved it (23112)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was surfing and trying to impress some girls on the beach. While I was out in the water, a jellyfish wrapped itself around my torso. I started to yell and freak out, making a huge scene. I grabbed it off of me, only to realize that I was freaking out over a plastic grocery bag. FML

#915602
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16640) - you deserved it (51199)

On 04/11/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by effingawwesome (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

#909616
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67314) - you deserved it (19879)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

#900029
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66081) - you deserved it (3005)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:35am - kids - by mandy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: