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chickenwalrus

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chickenwalrus

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1762
  • Number of comments : 146
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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chickenwalrus's page activity

Visits<b>tigerisabelle</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 11:57pm<b>stupidretriever</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:39pm<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 11:43pm<b>Le_Rabbid</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 9:36pm<b>Aero_x</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 5:37am<b>erenjaeger</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 1:57pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 7:50pm<b>idkwht2put</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 8:44pm<b>crossdresseryau</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 12:35am<b>Demonface54</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 2:35pm<b>bambam20</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 9:47pm<b>WubStep_</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 10:51am<b>KBGL</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 1:43pm<b>KingParker</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 12:49pm<b>jubejube239</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 12:26am<b>JoshuaOdom</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 7:20pm<b>SaltyJuice</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 2:26pm<b>ced443</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 12:54am

chickenwalrus's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of chickenwalrus's badges

chickenwalrus's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

#20072555
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (2550)

On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

#20027025
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32626) - you deserved it (1485)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

#19979145
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24427) - you deserved it (17200)

On 07/23/2012 at 3:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

#19848843
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24858) - you deserved it (5347)

On 06/26/2012 at 2:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

#19844489
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20660) - you deserved it (2502)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

#19795313
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24023) - you deserved it (6641)

On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

#19687214
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21636) - you deserved it (2280)

On 05/27/2012 at 4:00am - misc - by cloudberry - United States (New York)

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

#19607657
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24201) - you deserved it (3644)

On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21798) - you deserved it (2680)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

#19525973
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23566) - you deserved it (2668)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:22am - intimacy - by intheairtonight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31397) - you deserved it (2656)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13339) - you deserved it (54581) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22153) - you deserved it (9318)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

#19385942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23475) - you deserved it (2832)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:32am - work - by Kristat (woman) - United States

Today, I had to re-grade a student's assignments because neither he, nor his parents can read "Spanish." I'd written in cursive. FML

#19324505
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27553) - you deserved it (3586)

On 03/22/2012 at 1:13am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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