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chickenwalrus

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chickenwalrus

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1855
  • Number of comments : 146
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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chickenwalrus's page activity

Visits<b>Demonface54</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 11:26am<b>Tbear11</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 11:24am<b>BobyTheDerp</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 7:38am<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 4:30pm<b>Dlzq</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 7:01am<b>Happy_FairyTail</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 2:32pm<b>ItsAlly</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 2:41am<b>abattior</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 7:30pm<b>tigerisabelle</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 11:57pm<b>stupidretriever</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:39pm<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 11:43pm<b>Le_Rabbid</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 9:36pm<b>Aero_x</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 5:37am<b>erenjaeger</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 1:57pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 7:50pm<b>idkwht2put</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 8:44pm<b>crossdresseryau</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 12:35am<b>bambam20</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 9:47pm

chickenwalrus's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of chickenwalrus's badges

chickenwalrus's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

#20804154
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44224) - you deserved it (3252)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

#20698927
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45109) - you deserved it (4497)

On 06/01/2013 at 7:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60548) - you deserved it (9147)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

#20585229
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58091) - you deserved it (16258)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

#20555936
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35297) - you deserved it (8969)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48362) - you deserved it (14419)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

#20548229
167 comments

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55861) - you deserved it (14654)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33083) - you deserved it (2985)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37841) - you deserved it (4009)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15154) - you deserved it (35041)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

#20201125
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21334) - you deserved it (1816)

On 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

#20147554
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23656) - you deserved it (2798)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by i fking love docb - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

#20147554
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23656) - you deserved it (2798)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by i fking love docb - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

#20146224
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20734) - you deserved it (6856)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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