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Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1262) - you totally deserved it (3186)
On 02/21/2010 at 1:08am - intimacy - by hayah - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I saw a youtube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his Ipod and at the end he showed how there was no scratches and the Ipod screen was clean. So I took my brand new Ipod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4355) - you totally deserved it (107154)
On 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by MgmEboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48712) - you totally deserved it (2655)
On 08/26/2009 at 3:09am - love - by micahmatt (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48996) - you totally deserved it (3707)
On 08/15/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36221) - you totally deserved it (4216)
On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)
Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27533) - you totally deserved it (10605)
On 08/11/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Lilly_28 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39174) - you totally deserved it (6422)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54326) - you totally deserved it (1214)
On 08/05/2009 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32509) - you totally deserved it (5012)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7906) - you totally deserved it (31268)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:23pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45131) - you totally deserved it (1708)
On 08/02/2009 at 8:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33496) - you totally deserved it (9264) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37419) - you totally deserved it (1578) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44557) - you totally deserved it (3746)
On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38334) - you totally deserved it (5388)
On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)
