chelbeezy

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chelbeezy

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  • Number of visits : 284
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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chelbeezy's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

by disgusted / 09/24/2012 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

by pridekills / 08/19/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

by FlorenceD / 08/12/2012 at 12:34am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I taught my friend how to use a staple gun. She taught me how to get staples out of my hand. FML

by leprechaun23 / 04/23/2012 at 12:21am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

by lifeonfire12 / 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML

by Avery / 03/24/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

by FootyFoot / 03/06/2012 at 6:50am / Australia (South Australia) / Health

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

by jenni6488 / 02/22/2012 at 2:56am / United Kingdom (Gateshead) / Miscellaneous

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

by godhatesme / 12/10/2011 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 6:46am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent over 20 minutes trying to convince my daughter that the word she was trying to use was "Back-pack" and not "Back-back". I never convinced her. She is 16 years old. FML

by peonypiney / 11/03/2011 at 3:32pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

by apparentlyunsexy / 10/27/2011 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

by happybirthday / 09/26/2011 at 1:06pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love