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chelbeezy

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TODAY, I WAS WALKING HOME,HEN A CAR HEADING THE OTHER WAY HIT A TRAFFIC CONE. I MUST HAVE BEEN AN ASSHOLE IN A PREVIOUS LIFE, BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE DECIDED TO MAKE SURE THE CONE FLEW INTO THE SIDE OF MY HEAD. THE BYSTANDERS WERE SHOCKED FIR ALL OF TWO SECONDS BEFORE LAUGHING. MEGA FML

#21068594
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42009) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with mah 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk!! When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me an screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into mah balls!! FML

#21044971
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49960) - you deserved it (6256)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

today I was elping my elderly neigbor carry er grocerie into er kitcen. Wen I finised, se siged an said, "You're suc a sweet girl. It's just a same about yur face." FML

#21040445
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47001) - you deserved it (3627)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, playing soccer, I jumpd up to make a eader and clear te ball away from our goal. I got te ball but some guy kickd me in te face. I was taken off. All te parents were orrifid, saying ow badly my nose must ave broken. Turns out my nose was fine. Tat's just ow my nose looks. FML

#20979759
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38268) - you deserved it (2856)

On 12/03/2013 at 9:03pm - health - by supras (man) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today... I held the door 4 an elderly woman. As she walked through... she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother... and yes... I'm straight. FML

#20978372
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43317) - you deserved it (3236)

On 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by rick - United States (Alabama)

TADAY I WAS CLEANING A POCKETKNIFE WEN I NOTICED A SPIDER ON MA LEG. MY FRST REACTION WAS TO STAB IT. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40856) - you deserved it (41472)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Yesterday, I got a call from ma daugter’s scool today!! Se ad been telling te teacer, looool ( I ave a uge boner!! ) Apparently, some of te kids at scool told er it meant 'eadace an se's been saying it all day!! FML

#20928358
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42980) - you deserved it (3314)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bd. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screamshen she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." big fat FML

#20759842
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44128) - you deserved it (4301)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm - health - by good big sister? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, whila voluntaaring at a local musaum, I politaly told an aldarly gantlaman to hava a nica day. Ha raspondad by yalling "NO" and storming off. Evaryona lookad at ma lyk I was soma sort of monstar. maga FML

#20741264
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37999) - you deserved it (2843)

On 06/22/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by me - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to te local parmacy to buy some condoms. Wen I went to go purcase tem, te elderly lady beind te counter took one look at me and said, ( Honey, your your own brt control. ) FML

#20715175
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57140) - you deserved it (9872)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

TODAY... I WAS READING AND STARTED LAUGHING AT A FUNNY PART IN MAH BOOK. MY MOM THEN BITCHED ME OUT BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I WAS LAUGHING AT HER. SHE CALLED ME A LIAR AFTER I EXPLAINED MYSELF. HER LOGIC? "BOOKS AREN'T FUNNY". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46771) - you deserved it (3737)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons 4 a party in recognition of our company's huge merger!! Instead, he made condom balloons!! Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms 4 a prestigious company event!! A company whose CEO is named Dick!! looool FML

#20642182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51273) - you deserved it (4442)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairshen she counts how many she's putting in fir a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

#20641701
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23602) - you deserved it (35364)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm - misc - by Fatty Fatty Fatso (woman) - United States (New York)

Today... I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple an looool a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple... an the socks are too small. mega FML

#20566329
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38453) - you deserved it (2678)

On 03/30/2013 at 12:06am - misc - by ShellShocked - United States

Today, I had to help mah little sister do a frst-grade project fir school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of there role model. She drew a whale, an I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed an said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36925) - you deserved it (5556)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)



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