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Today, I saw a man dancing to a Britney Spears song in his Volkswagen Beetle. I started laughing hysterically until he got out. He was huge. I was stuck in traffic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9051) - you deserved it (21118)
On 10/06/2011 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24979) - you deserved it (3568)
On 10/05/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by Hoggiebear - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20751) - you deserved it (2760)
On 10/02/2011 at 1:15am - work - by katt_is_here (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24286) - you deserved it (3405)
On 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my parents overheard me having sex with my girlfriend. They thought it would be funny to barge in with nothing but underwear on. This has happened twice now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27625) - you deserved it (18667)
On 09/10/2011 at 11:46am - intimacy - by RetroDayDreamer - United States (Texas)
Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11922) - you deserved it (35835)
On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I left my book on the plane after I'd finished reading it. The flight attendant thought I'd forgotten it, so he chased me through the airport, past security, past customs, and past baggage claims. I didn't have the heart to tell him I left it on purpose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6141) - you deserved it (27735)
Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22540) - you deserved it (3155)
Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9922) - you deserved it (46438)
On 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by slut (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24709) - you deserved it (2529)
On 08/29/2011 at 11:38am - health - by KJL - United States
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10973) - you deserved it (27071)
On 08/28/2011 at 7:29am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23796) - you deserved it (2592)
On 08/28/2011 at 6:41am - misc - by piercingfreak (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25388) - you deserved it (36784)
On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States
Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
I agree, your life sucks (30515) - you deserved it (1872)
On 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend wrote me a break-up letter, using Comic Sans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25994) - you deserved it (2895)
On 08/25/2011 at 10:33am - love - by hendrix1 - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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