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Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31513) - you deserved it (3751) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11746) - you deserved it (44613)
On 01/05/2012 at 2:35pm - love - by louise (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)
Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (5906)
On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19961) - you deserved it (655)
On 12/31/2011 at 2:24am - animals - by YOURMOM - United States (California)
Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18357) - you deserved it (2093)
On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States
Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15559) - you deserved it (3692)
On 12/14/2011 at 9:06am - misc - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35346) - you deserved it (623)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23327) - you deserved it (2518)
On 12/09/2011 at 2:41am - health - by GlowInTheDark (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21086) - you deserved it (1684)
On 12/04/2011 at 2:04am - health - by memoryloss (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15757) - you deserved it (1863)
On 11/27/2011 at 11:02pm - misc - by Meowingtons500 - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31486) - you deserved it (2259)
On 11/27/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25274) - you deserved it (11767)
On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fist fight and only one cop car was called. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19694) - you deserved it (1568)
On 11/24/2011 at 9:49pm - misc - by guy - United States
Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML
I agree, your life sucks (23689) - you deserved it (3381)
On 11/23/2011 at 4:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11455) - you deserved it (14260)
On 11/23/2011 at 3:19am - animals - by bonertoolong - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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