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Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14686) - you deserved it (22490)
On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40817) - you deserved it (31818)
On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20225) - you deserved it (11251)
On 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by blaahh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29433) - you deserved it (2831)
On 02/18/2011 at 8:06am - work - by sickly -
Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (3714)
On 02/18/2011 at 2:55am - misc - by Austyn -
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31970) - you deserved it (3237)
On 02/18/2011 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37476) - you deserved it (4063)
On 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by fmylife117 - United States
Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6410) - you deserved it (32986)
On 02/17/2011 at 2:02am - intimacy - by biglady (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25166) - you deserved it (15919)
On 02/16/2011 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I have a condition that, when I pull my foreskin back, it looks as if a rubber band has been put on it. The doctor told me the only way to fix it was to have me circumcised. My mum laughed, then asked him if he had a magnifying lens to do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30425) - you deserved it (3376)
On 02/16/2011 at 7:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37530) - you deserved it (10100)
On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11189) - you deserved it (16001)
On 02/15/2011 at 2:03pm - animals - by AliRocks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37735) - you deserved it (7269)
On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20263) - you deserved it (2543)
On 02/10/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by onehitwonder -
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (5367)
On 02/09/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by PrestonW -
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