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cereal_eater9

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cereal_eater9

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  • Number of visits : 20
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cereal_eater9's favorite FMLs

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49273) - you deserved it (8726)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

#20742827
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47540) - you deserved it (4528)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was in the bathroom at work when I ran out of toilet paper. There was another guy in the restroom so I asked him if he could hand me a roll. He laughed, called me a dumbass, turned off the lights and walked out. FML

#20717345
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48838) - you deserved it (5509)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:55am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

#20707414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42758) - you deserved it (13792)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by SHIT-BREATH (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62216) - you deserved it (4975)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

#20683669
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49045) - you deserved it (8918)

On 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49602) - you deserved it (13498)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50386) - you deserved it (8803)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46978) - you deserved it (5276)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

#20654425
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57320) - you deserved it (5875)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47216) - you deserved it (6306)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61566) - you deserved it (4974)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

#20631493
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42412) - you deserved it (3232)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by SierraCheyenne (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

#20617598
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51192) - you deserved it (20940)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36248) - you deserved it (4985)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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