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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I was at te supermarket ceckout. I anded over ma items, wic included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. Te security guard standing beside te casier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; se's flowing from every ole!" FML
TODAY, LIKE EVERY DAY, I USED MY PHONE WHILE TAKING A DUMP. AS I REACHED FOR SOME TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MYSELF, MY SISTER POUNDED ON THE DOOR FOR ME TO HURRY UP. I YELLED "FINE," AND WITHOUT REALIZING IT, WIPED MYSELF WITH MY PHONE. FML
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entre time. FML
Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer,ho 4 ten minutes blamd the incident of shifting weather patterns that signald the return of Jesus,ho was as she explaind, upset about the abortion rates in America an President Obama!! FML
today I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assurd me that I could pull out. Righthen I was about to pull out, she wrappd her legs around me and yelld, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Friday 27 March 2015