Bahahaha nah no way am i saying anything about myself :P
Today, one of the psych patients I work with on a locked unit looked into my eyes and told me lovingly that I reminded him of his sister. The sister he killed after he raped her. FML
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On 05/08/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by leideigh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
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On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, I woke up feeling like something was crawling inside my ear. I immediately went to the doctor's, and was told a roach had crawled into my ear. The doctor tried to drown it with water, but that only caused it to swell up and get stuck. I just had a roach removed piece by piece from my ear. FML
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On 05/02/2009 at 5:38pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
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On 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm - money - by Sad (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML
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On 04/26/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by waltzy777 - United States (Indiana)
Today, my entire family blamed me for the death of my grandpa, because I didn't go to church this morning. I didn't go to church because I was the only one who volunteered to stay with him that night, because everyone else wanted to go play on my uncle's new Wii. FML
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On 04/19/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by deadgrandma (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver, they drank too much and on the way home hooked up in the back seat. FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML
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On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 5:43am - money - by rovery (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML
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On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML
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On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks. FML
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On 03/25/2009 at 1:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get diarrhea up and down two of the store aisles, then proceed to the ladies room and mess all over the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with biohazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML
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On 03/24/2009 at 1:47am - work - by frenchy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
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On 03/23/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by birthdayfun (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML
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On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)
