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carrieislost

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carrieislost

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 639
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About carrieislost : .

carrieislost's page activity

Visits<b>TheSwegMaster69</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 1:39pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 7:08am<b>umerin</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 2:32am<b>totallybananas</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 1:10am<b>abylenee_</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:23pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 2:53am<b>andrewhoyt</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 3:07pm<b>saocrates</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 12:43pm<b>adrianvons</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 3:16am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 9:41pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 2:35pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:16am<b>krupa1017</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 11:12pm<b>zarosian</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 7:29pm<b>soccerforlife_27</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 10:19pm<b>reallynow1910</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 9:07pm<b>JMichael</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 3:52pm<b>mein_blut69</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 3:53am

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carrieislost's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47465) - you deserved it (7221)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (418) - you deserved it (18896)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

#21118358
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43226) - you deserved it (5024)

On 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm - animals - by BetterThanChocolate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36088) - you deserved it (8466)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65242) - you deserved it (32651)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

#21093670
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38415) - you deserved it (10059)

On 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by campus pussy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

#21067130
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49603) - you deserved it (4000)

On 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm - misc - by BakedBat (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47195) - you deserved it (17114)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (11924)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45928) - you deserved it (3631)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

#20997770
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45520) - you deserved it (2760)

On 12/19/2013 at 4:09am - work - by wasted time - United States

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53633) - you deserved it (4230)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43342) - you deserved it (7294)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42848) - you deserved it (3591)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -



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