Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

carrieislost

Online | Search for a member

carrieislost

17Fucked!

carrieislostcarrieislost
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 December 1987 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1930
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About carrieislost : Go Royals! 💙💙💙

By the way: don't get butthurt and keep sending me message after message after message when I don't respond, like a total creep. It's just FML and I have a life to attend to.

carrieislost's page activity

Visits<b>lesnotbehonest</b> - 7 hours ago<b>tiger820</b> - 7 hours ago<b>LadyLuck93</b> - 8 hours ago<b>aha_awkward_</b> - 15 hours ago<b>hare</b> - 18 hours ago<b>WoodKiller</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 12:34am<b>sweetgurl1985</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 11:25pm<b>Sayeret_Matkal</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 10:27am<b>Tiger88255</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 12:01pm<b>Cyntha</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 10:59pm<b>Jake42100</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 6:48pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 3:13pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 12:04am<b>jgPepsi</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 6:26pm<b>gunnerblaster</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 10:08pm<b>Brian2911</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 10:45pm<b>Mons</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 6:31pm<b>JMCJester69</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 10:14am

Fucked!<b>lesnotbehonest</b> - 50 minutes ago<b>WoodKiller</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 6:34am<b>Tiger88255</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 6:01pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 7:38am<b>tiger820</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 5:00pm<b>hussamhasi</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 9:22pm<b>A07</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 6:52am<b>JMCJester69</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 6:31pm<b>superuser1234</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 7:42am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 4:23am<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 2:41pm<b>chrisseesyou</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 2:14pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:41am<b>gunnerblaster</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 9:12am<b>IceMan11</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 11:06am

carrieislost's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of carrieislost's badges

carrieislost's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

#21453585
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22175) - you deserved it (4839)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm - misc - by I love L (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

#21452187
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24860) - you deserved it (4690)

On 08/05/2015 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

#21449022
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21347) - you deserved it (10060)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:41am - misc - by fack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13486) - you deserved it (25137)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

#21442630
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25354) - you deserved it (4686)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm - misc - by Boneo and Juliet - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34561) - you deserved it (2528)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

#21426929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30146) - you deserved it (5347)

On 06/16/2015 at 8:05am - intimacy - by poorlyparented - United States (Texas)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26770) - you deserved it (4681)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31916) - you deserved it (4052)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35509) - you deserved it (3710)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32179) - you deserved it (3009)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

#21404993
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31556) - you deserved it (2087)

On 05/05/2015 at 6:50am - work - by GotGasNotLuck (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40502) - you deserved it (5233)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: