carrieislost

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carrieislost

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carrieislostcarrieislost
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 December 1987 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2375
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About carrieislost : Go Royals! 💙💙💙

By the way: don't get butthurt and keep sending me message after message after message when I don't respond, like a total creep. It's just FML and I have a life to attend to.

carrieislost's page activity

Visits<b>chewsef</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 7:55pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 6:32am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 5:11pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 9:40am<b>missa8604</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 10:37pm<b>playhard_1359</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 10:05pm<b>OlRed</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 5:18pm<b>spiderwebb888</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 9:38am<b>homiwan</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 1:16am<b>Chris_1414</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 11:48pm<b>mehibud</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 1:28am<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 4:43pm<b>Shawn2095</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 3:45am<b>marshm610</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 1:37am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 6:10pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 2:20pm<b>dominguez89</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 3:59am<b>Geary519</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 10:50pm

Fucked!<b>Toonice45</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 3:42pm<b>chewsef</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 4:27am<b>playhard_1359</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 4:05am<b>mehibud</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 3:48am<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 05/01/2016 at 4:27am<b>dominguez89</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 9:59am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 7:06am<b>Xeivan</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 6:02pm<b>Arnoud</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 6:36am<b>samrompain</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 2:59am<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 8:20pm<b>daveyyyyh</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 6:59am<b>lesnotbehonest</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 3:58pm<b>WoodKiller</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 6:34am<b>Tiger88255</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 6:01pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 7:38am<b>tiger820</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 5:00pm<b>hussamhasi</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 9:22pm

carrieislost's FML badges

Santa Claus

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Inception

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Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

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carrieislost's favorite FMLs

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

by coolest_mom / 11/25/2015 at 1:00am / Kids

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

by michelle / 11/15/2015 at 10:21am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Kids

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

by badmom / 11/06/2015 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

by 2pale / 11/01/2015 at 1:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

by shh / 10/09/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay / 08/21/2015 at 11:25am / Malta / Kids

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

by I love L / 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 10:06am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

by fack / 07/29/2015 at 10:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

by suspended / 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

by Boneo and Juliet / 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous