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carrieislost

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carrieislost

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 510
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About carrieislost : .

carrieislost's page activity

Visits<b>abylenee_</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:23pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 2:53am<b>andrewhoyt</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 3:07pm<b>saocrates</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 12:43pm<b>adrianvons</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 3:16am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 9:41pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 2:35pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:16am<b>krupa1017</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 11:12pm<b>zarosian</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 7:29pm<b>soccerforlife_27</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 10:19pm<b>reallynow1910</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 9:07pm<b>JMichael</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 3:52pm<b>SevanaRatchet</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 1:22am<b>mein_blut69</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 3:53am<b>dk1991</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 8:24am<b>Pstraka6</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 12:54am<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 5:36pm

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carrieislost's favorite FMLs

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45825) - you deserved it (3624)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

#20997770
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45445) - you deserved it (2759)

On 12/19/2013 at 4:09am - work - by wasted time - United States

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53536) - you deserved it (4221)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43251) - you deserved it (7284)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42744) - you deserved it (3582)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42991) - you deserved it (7330)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54704) - you deserved it (6340)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

#20784911
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22203) - you deserved it (43473)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm - money - by Jer (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

#20784658
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41873) - you deserved it (3643)

On 07/15/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by lame-o-prof (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

#20129867
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19205) - you deserved it (3307)

On 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by nicedoggy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24937) - you deserved it (6501)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27199) - you deserved it (10856)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21659) - you deserved it (2905)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)



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