About carrieislost : Go Royals! 💙💙💙
By the way: don't get butthurt and keep sending me message after message after message when I don't respond, like a total creep. It's just FML and I have a life to attend to.
About carrieislost : Go Royals! 💙💙💙
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carrieislost's favorite FMLs
Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML
by why / 05/02/2016 at 4:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
by Mcwifi / 04/21/2016 at 1:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health
Today, while brushing my teeth, a fly flew into my mouth. It got caught in my electric toothbrush and was sucked into the circular bristles, getting crushed between the brush and my braces. I now have fly guts and goo stuck between my brackets, and I can't get rid of the taste. FML
by PackardBell / 03/27/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by sorkin15 / 03/24/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML
by poop / 03/24/2016 at 2:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML
by Anonymous / 03/20/2016 at 11:58am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
by sweetie808 / 01/28/2016 at 3:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals
by westwoodcosmo / 01/27/2016 at 5:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 11:35am / United States (Kansas) / Kids
Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 8:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML
by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
by ImTheAlpha / 12/23/2015 at 6:56pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML
by michelle / 11/15/2015 at 10:21am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Kids