Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

carnegied

Search for a member

carnegied
  • Town/Country : Edmonton, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 14 July 1990 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 383
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About carnegied : I woke up one day to find my soul dead, now i forever wander the earth as a wraith, devouring human souls to fill the empty pit where mine used to live.

carnegied's last visitors

btstig

carnegied's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of carnegied's badges

carnegied's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

#20078344
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18379) - you deserved it (1239)

On 09/18/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

#20034633
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24282) - you deserved it (3737)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by m (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend was coming home after a month of being away. When I heard him knock on the door, I rushed to open it and jumped into his arms for a hug. It wasn't him; it was the mailman. FML

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

#20024327
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17849) - you deserved it (4590)

On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

#20023182
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18335) - you deserved it (1614)

On 08/15/2012 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23717) - you deserved it (1757)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

#20022605
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13716) - you deserved it (6815)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

#20021119
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16765) - you deserved it (4707)

On 08/14/2012 at 6:50pm - love - by cestquoicebordel?? (man) - France

Today, I was out drinking with some friends in a Safeway parking lot, when I saw a familiar-looking vehicle pull up beside us. It was my dad, who angrily got out and demanded that I come home. I'm twenty-four, and now the laughingstock of my social circle. FML

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

#20017485
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17913) - you deserved it (1582)

On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

#20001682
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10973) - you deserved it (12657)

On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

#20001682
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10973) - you deserved it (12657)

On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

#20001682
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10973) - you deserved it (12657)

On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

#19995628
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45750) - you deserved it (7547)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada



Max Grünfeld's illustrated FML

Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Worst Sisters Ever
  • Growing up with a sister can be a good thing. If you're a guy, it can teach you about girls and how to interact with them so you won't grow up to be a sexist idiot who's afraid of women and who can only…

Monday 17 June 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: