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carliflowerr

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carliflowerr

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 13 September 1997 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 210
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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carliflowerr's page activity

Visits<b>TomPusslicker</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 10:01am<b>abdiG</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 7:53pm<b>Jaybob98</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 4:11pm<b>Liiiiiiiiike</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 2:59pm<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:37am<b>brettrb</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 3:56am<b>tiptoe55</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 5:09pm<b>RedNinjaTurtle</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 12:12am<b>JMichael</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 7:12pm<b>clumsycarolyn</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 11:19pm<b>Pesticides</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 10:23pm<b>CallMeWindSock</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 5:46pm<b>EverestMelting</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 5:36pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 2:27pm<b>SiRiSpartan</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 11:39pm<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 3:04am<b>firefighterbee</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 3:16am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 8:11pm

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carliflowerr's favorite FMLs

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17198) - you deserved it (1445)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23363) - you deserved it (1989)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26638) - you deserved it (1932)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44352) - you deserved it (8627)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That... That THING is not your father!" FML

#21245330
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32301) - you deserved it (2475)

On 08/25/2014 at 7:55pm - misc - by NotThePhantom - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

#21244545
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35175) - you deserved it (2764)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36272) - you deserved it (6618)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40788) - you deserved it (6796)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41518) - you deserved it (7329)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

#21241796
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38421) - you deserved it (2825)

On 08/20/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by sonofaneuroticwench (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40340) - you deserved it (5657)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23829) - you deserved it (43663)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41197) - you deserved it (15247)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

#21239690
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37145) - you deserved it (6298)

On 08/17/2014 at 11:19am - misc - by Etrius (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45487) - you deserved it (7483)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)



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