About carleybeak : Hi FML, my name is Carley!
I'm a Biology major, Criminal Justice minor and a former swim team captain at a university here in the mitten!
I ski, play water polo, travel my beautiful state, and party with friends in my free time.
I'm a pretty approachable person so don't be afraid to say hey! (:
About carleybeak : Hi FML, my name is Carley!
carleybeak's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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carleybeak's favorite FMLs
Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML
by Jackassed / 05/12/2011 at 1:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML
by Derps / 05/04/2011 at 5:11am / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML
by alopez1994 / 04/21/2011 at 1:28am / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML
by leeseyxoxo / 03/27/2011 at 2:10am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 12:50am / United States / Miscellaneous
by mariet / 02/11/2011 at 1:13am / United States / Health
Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
by stifledbyyou / 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, while drinking at a bar with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend who I've been seeing on the side walked straight up to her, introducing herself as "the ex-girlfriend that he's been sleeping with for the past 3 months." FML
by Tim / 07/02/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
by Crap / 01/28/2010 at 12:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by brileyyyy / 01/11/2010 at 10:40pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
by wowhoopla / 01/10/2010 at 8:10pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
by n/a / 11/25/2009 at 2:36am / United States / Kids
Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML
by whatthewhat / 11/18/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
by sad_dad / 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…