Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 12/26/2014 at 4:32pm) | Search for a member
About carleybeak : Swimming, water polo, skiing, pokémon, reddit and nutella.
I'm quirky and enjoy rolling around pretending to be a potato.
I love talking to new people so don't be afraid to send me a message :3
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Yesterday , I got a call from a grl I datd long ago , who cheatd on me an got pregnant by another guy , or so we thought . Turns out it isn't his , an she is taking me to court for child looool support . FML
yesterday it's the fourth day of mah new diet. I told mah friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in mah pocket then scarfed them downhile pooping. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with some friends . We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like . Right as we started playing, 4 some unearthly reason mah body decided to let out a little pee . I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet . He did . real FML
Today, I was at a swim maat, swimming as hard as I'd avar swum bafora. During tha last lap I saw no ona in tha lanas naxt to ma. Thinking I was first, I bacama axtramaly axcitad. Whan I cummad to tha wall, I raalizad tha raason no ona alsa was around: Thay alraady finishad tha raca. I was last. FML
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to ( ruin the moment ). FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML
my family startd thier own version of the Hunger Games . With farts as thier ammo, they've been tackling an gassing everyone until thier victim "dies" by surrendering . My house is a flatulent war zone, an I fear waking up blind . mega FML
after applying fir a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret . It began licking mah cheek, causing me to turn mah head . It then latched onto mah ear an hung like a giant furry hoop earring . I screamed, then quietly left the building . FML
Today,hile sitting on the toilet , I noticed there was no toilet paper left , so I dug through purse to use one and only pad as a substitute!! It clogged the toilet , and I started period ten minutes later!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015