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carissabravo

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carissabravo

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  • Number of visits : 42
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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carissabravo's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41341) - you deserved it (3169)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

#20859482
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59642) - you deserved it (6634)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:48pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48017) - you deserved it (17144)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

#20813339
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53406) - you deserved it (8504)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64833) - you deserved it (6581)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59428) - you deserved it (20960)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

#20782097
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47953) - you deserved it (16527)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by peniswoman (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54914) - you deserved it (7742)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

#19633207
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8319) - you deserved it (34254)

On 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

#6626957
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31920) - you deserved it (6390)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:25am - love - by barfyshirt (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

#6461319
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31185) - you deserved it (7077)

On 11/26/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by HeSaysImNoBeard (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

#5034499
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45115) - you deserved it (5115)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Scarred (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML

#3658638
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40623) - you deserved it (9048)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by RR (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

#2209832
393 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48673) - you deserved it (20985)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

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