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carbivore

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carbivore

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 4 August 1965 (48 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 205
  • Number of comments : 34
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About carbivore : I'm strange.

carbivore's page activity

Visits<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 6:09pm<b>decimater</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 4:26pm<b>OochenSnoochen</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>slimblack</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm<b>Gremlinek</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 11:09pm<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 10:33pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 8:44am<b>OzzMonster</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 4:12am<b>Kitty19</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 3:36pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 3:31pm<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 2:35am<b>the_rude_dude</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 5:07am<b>gAt_d</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 10:54pm<b>Whiplash169</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 8:09pm<b>thatguy130</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 5:03pm<b>thatsawkward7</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 10:43am<b>CaptainJudgment</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 8:46am<b>haider92</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 5:48am

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carbivore's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

#21057323
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44976) - you deserved it (5873)

On 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by not even getting any of her shrimp (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44763) - you deserved it (10137)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37136) - you deserved it (4864)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60379) - you deserved it (9125)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30549) - you deserved it (4903)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34807) - you deserved it (4364)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

#19903690
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21927) - you deserved it (6211)

On 07/07/2012 at 3:26am - misc - by sozzy - United States (California)

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

#19637447
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13722) - you deserved it (24455)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27644) - you deserved it (3328)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

#17494205
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20640) - you deserved it (13988)

On 08/16/2011 at 10:05pm - misc - by otter - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

#15296523
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42825) - you deserved it (2720)

On 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by aldfgadfklbg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37468) - you deserved it (23381)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13997) - you deserved it (33120)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

#8490990
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16371) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by lost_ina_dream (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I put our 9 month old twins to bed and went outside to enjoy a very rare few minutes with each other, a couple of beers, with a baby monitor. He shut the sliding glass door, and I watched the bar that locks it accidentally slide into locked position. All the other doors were locked. FML



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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