carbivore

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Offline (the 12/18/2014 at 8:24pm)

carbivore

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 4 August 1965 (51 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 821
  • Number of comments : 36
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About carbivore : I'm strange.

carbivore's page activity

Visits<b>laurenada</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 5:05pm<b>tweak2011</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 10:04pm<b>Saxicolous</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 6:13pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 8:07am<b>warped_executive</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 4:28pm<b>pyromaniac9</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 4:19am<b>PiscesNation</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 4:31pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 4:20am<b>LilyLi</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 1:03am<b>Wondermage</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 1:08am<b>ChemicalInsomnia</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 10:38am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 9:02pm<b>ElMich</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 4:33pm<b>BigC_from_Bama</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 5:03pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 5:44pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 2:04pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 8:09pm<b>dustin007</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 9:51pm

Fucked!<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 8:04pm<b>RA91</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 12:41am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 3:10pm

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carbivore's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 9:17am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

by not even getting any of her shrimp / 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

by kittkatt1 / 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Love

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

by sozzy / 07/07/2012 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

by otter / 08/16/2011 at 10:05pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

by aldfgadfklbg / 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2010 at 6:39am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

by lost_ina_dream / 02/20/2010 at 8:21pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy