About captain2obvious : "What is today?" "It's tomorrows yesterday".
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captain2obvious's favorite FMLs
Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by ohgodwhy / 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by incaseudidntkno / 09/18/2011 at 9:36am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML
by anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:18pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Health
Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML
by Smart / 09/16/2011 at 10:42am / United States / Kids
by QuickieGirl / 09/16/2011 at 7:28am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by izu / 09/16/2011 at 1:40am / United States / Animals
Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Hreyes / 09/15/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (California) / Work
by wf / 09/14/2011 at 2:11pm / United States / Intimacy
by ohmaigawd / 09/14/2011 at 12:59pm / Argentina / Intimacy
Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML
by OopsMonkey / 09/13/2011 at 9:43am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 1:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife… Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked… Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by…
- Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays.… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you…