About captain2obvious : "What is today?" "It's tomorrows yesterday".
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captain2obvious's favorite FMLs
Today, I got into a pretty heated argument with my boss. On my way out the door I told him he would be lucky if I came back to work. Unfortunately, I left the interior light on in my truck and it drained the battery. I had to go back in and ask for a jump. FML
by bob / 10/22/2011 at 12:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML
by cmd102 / 10/20/2011 at 5:18pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
by scewable / 10/13/2011 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML
by Massasam / 10/11/2011 at 4:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by octoberrain / 10/10/2011 at 7:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by cc / 10/10/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Montana) / Money
by Username / 10/09/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML
by Kayt / 10/03/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML
by happymum / 09/30/2011 at 7:10am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Steve / 09/30/2011 at 6:18am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation
by littlepsychgirl / 09/29/2011 at 4:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by danthecomplicate / 09/28/2011 at 10:28pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by lexyloo / 09/25/2011 at 9:52pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 3:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
- Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in… Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As… Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me…