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About captain2obvious : "What is today?" "It's tomorrows yesterday".
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10040) - you deserved it (1791) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9664) - you deserved it (616)
On 12/15/2011 at 10:16pm - misc - by metallicatime - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20843) - you deserved it (2012)
On 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm - misc - by Mariah Heimann - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9265) - you deserved it (1400)
On 12/12/2011 at 2:44am - love - by smurfisurfer1 - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8584) - you deserved it (689)
On 12/09/2011 at 7:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21722) - you deserved it (2603)
On 12/09/2011 at 3:14pm - work - by charliebravo77 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3044) - you deserved it (6956)
On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12838) - you deserved it (1317)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7871) - you deserved it (60991)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Today, I was informed by my boss that I was gonna receive a promotion. To celebrate, I brought him a coffee, only to spill it on his $700 Armani suit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8792) - you deserved it (1640)
On 12/08/2011 at 10:53pm - work - by ahmer - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5434) - you deserved it (48576)
On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8281) - you deserved it (1381)
On 12/08/2011 at 12:41pm - kids - by childdreamkiller (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19649) - you deserved it (2210)
On 12/08/2011 at 4:14am - love - by disappoint - United States (Florida)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22354) - you deserved it (3038)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by journey_Jeanne - United States (California)
Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20775) - you deserved it (2446)
On 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jackgrant (man) - Iran Islamic Republic of
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