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canvasofnight

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canvasofnight
  • Town/Country : Virginia, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 April 1990 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 8887
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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canvasofnight's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (201390) - you deserved it (19793)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

#887533
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60905) - you deserved it (13538)

On 04/09/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

#883933
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46542) - you deserved it (4057)

On 04/09/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by luh8r (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
515 comments

I agree, your life sucks (227282) - you deserved it (29242)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

#12898
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35584) - you deserved it (1613)

On 02/07/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by brokenkneechick (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

#12567
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (266367) - you deserved it (49525)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18760) - you deserved it (24052)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

#7894
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33890) - you deserved it (1651)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by disgusting (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36527) - you deserved it (1758)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36527) - you deserved it (1758)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36527) - you deserved it (1758)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response: "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

#4982
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11667) - you deserved it (21826)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by beckbr - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (5368)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)



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