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cannibal_cabbage's favorite FMLs
by CT / 11/25/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by lonewolf2701 / 11/22/2009 at 4:15am / United States / Intimacy
by JJ / 11/13/2009 at 10:07pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML
by Falafax / 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm / United States / Work
Today, I realized that sometimes I forget to turn off my desk light when I leave the room for dinner. I also learned that said desk light can get hot enough to melt plastic, which is why my brand-new laptop screen was literally oozing onto the table top when I got back. FML
by iplaytwister / 10/22/2009 at 5:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML
by keepmouthshut / 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by mushroommouth / 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 12:27am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML
by Anonymous / 09/05/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by sexyfreak2510 / 09/03/2009 at 2:47am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML
by Phoellie / 08/28/2009 at 7:43am / United Kingdom (London) / Holidays
by abercrombieef / 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2009 at 12:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML
by weeks / 08/19/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 3:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Love
- Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…