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cannibal_cabbage's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 3:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm / South Africa / Animals
Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 10:29am / United Kingdom (York) / Transportation
Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML
by incestastic / 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by YouAREthefather / 03/18/2010 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML
by Dumped / 02/18/2010 at 3:58am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML
by hahahaha090114 / 01/30/2010 at 1:59pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML
by newniece / 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
by Jon / 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by kte / 12/30/2009 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML
by wheresthelove / 12/30/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
by Nemesis2747 / 12/24/2009 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/08/2009 at 7:10am / Norway (Rogaland) / Work
Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML
by someonesomething / 12/05/2009 at 6:24am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need… Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and… Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not…