candicurl

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candicurl

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3480
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About candicurl : Lame pun coon at your service!

candicurl's page activity

Visits<b>TheSmurgler</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 5:02pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 12:32am<b>whatevs4646</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 6:14pm<b>raven83</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 10:01am<b>jerryj</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 5:01am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 12:51pm<b>curticus</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 9:17pm<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 1:50am<b>rojdasoenmez</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 1:58am<b>tigerfish</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 12:34am<b>Leoandam</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 2:11am<b>dooropener</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 2:59pm<b>NandaPanda</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 7:04pm<b>Aleys</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 6:03pm<b>ExpressoGuts</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 8:30pm<b>Metroskydiver</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 1:49pm<b>Capernog</b> - the 05/30/2013 at 11:37pm<b>CaptainPickles72</b> - the 09/22/2011 at 4:47pm

candicurl's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of candicurl's badges

candicurl's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

by merkris / 06/29/2009 at 11:41am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

by LondonKitsch / 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

by toomuchmetal / 06/24/2009 at 3:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2009 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

by hipthrustdude / 05/18/2009 at 8:04am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Work

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

by Ottawa / 05/12/2009 at 10:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2009 at 11:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

by Joey / 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm / United States (California) / Love