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camilleloveees's favorite FMLs
by salmone / 05/15/2014 at 9:03pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
by cantprovenothing / 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm / Australia / Kids
by icyrebel25 / 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by CurseYouSonyaLee / 11/12/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML
by TheTruthofWomen / 11/04/2013 at 12:45am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
by KittyKat / 11/03/2013 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML
by ouch.... / 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML
by anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 2:12am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek
Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML
by wow, thanks / 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
by Tristan Brantley / 03/11/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML
by Whyme / 01/09/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Love
by imsadnow / 01/31/2011 at 3:01pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
- Today, I wasn't paying attention and instead of putting my hands in my bowl of Chips I put it in my… Today, I grabbed my gf's moms tits from behind while grinding against her butt. My gf won't believe… Today, I ignored a middle aged man's obscene cat calling. He responded by trying to spit on me. FML