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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32211) - you deserved it (3293)
On 04/03/2012 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31281) - you deserved it (1998)
On 03/31/2012 at 12:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was adjusting my nose piercing from the inside. My mother saw and thought I was picking my nose, so she slapped my hand away, tearing my nose ring out in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22535) - you deserved it (5915)
On 03/28/2012 at 12:16am - misc - by ouchouchouch - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17008) - you deserved it (2909)
On 03/27/2012 at 9:08pm - health - by Anna - United States
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30287) - you deserved it (8666)
On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30287) - you deserved it (8666)
On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18633) - you deserved it (2497)
On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25499) - you deserved it (4298)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9847) - you deserved it (18551)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22505) - you deserved it (12958)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)
Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19485) - you deserved it (2822)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:28am - work - by titillating (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18695) - you deserved it (2150)
On 03/11/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by me (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17877) - you deserved it (38128)
On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17877) - you deserved it (38128)
On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6292) - you deserved it (24460)
On 03/09/2012 at 8:56pm - kids - by mikey51 (man) - Australia
Friday 24 May 2013
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