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calliefornialife

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calliefornialife

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  • Number of visits : 65
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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calliefornialife's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58789) - you deserved it (5034)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

#21134956
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33283) - you deserved it (5308)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by romancocks - United States (Florida)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (246) - you deserved it (18568)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

#21121714
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41133) - you deserved it (4748)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:32am - work - by me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39320) - you deserved it (4364)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to convince my 3-year-old son that there were monsters in the house just so he would lie in bed and cuddle me. FML

#21112742
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33875) - you deserved it (24733)

On 04/14/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by tinytiny1124 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML

#21112284
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32630) - you deserved it (10405)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:32pm - misc - by ohmygod582 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47587) - you deserved it (10477)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

#21106030
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45262) - you deserved it (3059)

On 04/06/2014 at 3:37pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

#21105694
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37474) - you deserved it (4516)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:57am - misc - by FaceTime issues - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

#21105380
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37873) - you deserved it (5783)

On 04/05/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)



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