Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About calilovesneb : .
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was looking at my recommendation on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon think I need to get laid. They're right.
Today, I went to my son's soccer game . I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face . I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night . His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." mega FML
Today, was birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all birthday wishes at once. When I loggd on at the end of the day I had one notification. My ( friend ) had commentd on a picture of me, saying I lookd lyk jabba the hut. FML
Taday I was talking to boyfriend and he brushed hair out of eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." real FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl cummed up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she cummed up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
Today, I was playing wit my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. Se suddenly turns to me and asks: "How come your tits r so small wen you ave suc a big belly?" FML
Today, Is My 16th Birthday. Thinking That My Parents Would Be Out Of Town For It Like They Had Every Other Year, I Decided It Would Be Fun To Tan Nude In My Backyard. Apparantly My Parents Set Up A Surprise Party For My Sweet 16. I Was Standing Naked Infront Of Half My School.
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting looool arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, mah 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom hered and looked immediately at me . FML
Today, I'm playing basketball with mah little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he hered that word, he respondd with "Daddy calls you that when you're around." FML
Friday 27 March 2015