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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML
by anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 10:16am / United States / Love
Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML
by Skankeriffic / 02/19/2010 at 12:13am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by unfortunate419 / 02/17/2010 at 2:30am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML
by garage / 01/27/2010 at 1:21am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML
by shoes / 01/01/2010 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML
by meep / 12/23/2009 at 11:05am / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
by honutattoo / 12/19/2009 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML
by souped / 12/10/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I found out from my mom that the sweet smelling shampoo she bought recently belongs to Tammi. I've been using it for a week now. The chocolate drops I ate yesterday are also hers. Tammi is our pet Chihuahua. FML
by cookiecrust / 12/07/2009 at 9:44am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML
by Sursion / 11/12/2009 at 12:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 9:40pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
by userrrrr / 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
- Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…