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Mobility
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Up and coming moderator
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Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18837) - you deserved it (4574)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25487) - you deserved it (3678)
On 05/31/2012 at 1:28am - misc - by gonavybeatarmy - United States (California)
Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18877) - you deserved it (1868)
On 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm - kids - by liquid_sasquatch - United States
Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18160) - you deserved it (3410)
On 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26183) - you deserved it (2536)
On 01/15/2012 at 5:24am - misc - by lolwtfbbq444 - Australia
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20958) - you deserved it (11264)
On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)
Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34730) - you deserved it (2807)
On 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm - work - by EunJung - United States
Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (3191)
On 09/08/2011 at 8:34pm - intimacy - by waj9876 - United States (Kentucky)
Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22176) - you deserved it (6813)
On 08/14/2011 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35175) - you deserved it (2544)
On 06/08/2011 at 7:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17775) - you deserved it (9863)
On 01/06/2011 at 12:57am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he chose me out of all the hotter girls out there. He told me it's because I have great birthing hips. Apparently I'm having six children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (3861)
On 10/18/2010 at 5:06am - love - by louise. - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22875) - you deserved it (8321)
On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53912) - you deserved it (2056)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9700) - you deserved it (36965)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by JuicyJohn (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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