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cali_cougar

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cali_cougar
  • Town/Country : Anderson, United States
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 6 August 1975 (38 years)
  • Number of visits : 811
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cali_cougar's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

#15598918
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30008) - you deserved it (41479)

On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
695 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67718) - you deserved it (14662)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

#14463588
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6361) - you deserved it (63901)

On 01/04/2011 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

#14126136
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5695) - you deserved it (23192)

On 12/07/2010 at 11:20pm - misc - by bullseyed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

#14066862
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22614) - you deserved it (2502)

On 12/03/2010 at 12:18am - misc - by nokitchenforme - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

#14034563
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9483) - you deserved it (31781)

On 11/30/2010 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

#14023923
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22422) - you deserved it (48707)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

#13998469
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33864) - you deserved it (3105)

On 11/27/2010 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML

#13919837
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7479) - you deserved it (29305)

On 11/21/2010 at 12:39am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

#13909761
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38544) - you deserved it (3824)

On 11/20/2010 at 9:00am - animals - by serveandprotectyeahright - United States (New York)

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

#13876997
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17732) - you deserved it (6954)

On 11/17/2010 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

#13874494
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30772) - you deserved it (2651)

On 11/17/2010 at 7:09am - work - by mommy (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

#13873545
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36356) - you deserved it (7607)

On 11/17/2010 at 3:03am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

#13871078
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12873) - you deserved it (46745)

On 11/16/2010 at 10:43pm - work - by T_Willl -



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