calebepps

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calebepps

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  • Number of visits : 115
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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calebepps's favorite FMLs

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

by Devil / 12/11/2012 at 1:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

by LawStudent / 09/19/2012 at 10:54am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

by mrs14 / 09/10/2012 at 10:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend got a hotel room with a jacuzzi, drinks, and tickets to Six Flags for my birthday. He is currently passed out drunk on the other side of the bed, cursing me out in his sleep. FML

by anon / 08/20/2012 at 1:00am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm / United States / Love

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

by JAdams / 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

by Arthurie / 07/24/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

by Nate / 01/12/2012 at 12:36am / United States / Love

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

by ken / 07/19/2011 at 3:40am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 12:11pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

by fail / 12/05/2010 at 1:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

by DHarman / 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML

by fantastic / 02/03/2010 at 1:47pm / Love