calamito

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calamito

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 13 February 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2627
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About calamito : I'm no one special.

calamito's page activity

Visits<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 1:40pm<b>James64138</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 9:54am<b>ratman775</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 1:48pm<b>paigexox0</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 3:45am<b>SilkMudah</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 10:14am<b>alb6292</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 9:22am<b>BEASTSLAYER2474</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 8:00pm<b>waffule365</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 6:01am<b>fightingkittens</b> - the 09/29/2012 at 1:32pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:17pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:29am<b>CeeCee</b> - the 02/21/2011 at 8:40pm<b>Watchmaker</b> - the 12/25/2010 at 1:04pm<b>ggriffin</b> - the 12/19/2010 at 3:30am<b>281go</b> - the 07/07/2010 at 12:48am<b>Ohmar</b> - the 07/04/2010 at 10:19am<b>Siouxie</b> - the 05/04/2010 at 12:22am<b>strength413</b> - the 05/03/2010 at 8:27pm

calamito's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

calamito's favorite FMLs

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

by DanceOnTheEdge / 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

by joking0303 / 07/16/2009 at 3:08am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

by Solemnwishing / 07/13/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML

by FirstKiss / 07/13/2009 at 11:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

by letsloseweight / 07/13/2009 at 7:30am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Health

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

by Dee / 07/12/2009 at 8:41pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2009 at 5:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

by mtorres8789 / 06/27/2009 at 2:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

by Emptyspace / 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

by Longhorn2011 / 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

by Dirtyswede / 06/17/2009 at 10:57am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2009 at 8:27am / Kids

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

by creepedouthostess / 06/17/2009 at 3:12am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML

by vintage_vogue / 06/17/2009 at 12:52am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous