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caitylee2003's favorite FMLs
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
by for fuck sake dad / 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/09/2010 at 8:31pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML
by tracie / 09/21/2010 at 8:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML
by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML
by doglover / 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 4:34am / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by prevostsrocklike / 05/11/2009 at 8:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He… Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even… Today, I found out the guy I've been dating for 5 months is engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years. I…