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caitlinbblack's favorite FMLs
by Gioia / 04/30/2013 at 8:28am / Bulgaria (Vidin) / Love
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
by SierraCheyenne / 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health
by unforgettablee / 04/29/2013 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML
by revan546 / 04/26/2013 at 9:23am / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
by Anonymous / 04/25/2013 at 3:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2013 at 11:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by justgivemethed / 04/25/2013 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Work
Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML
by pregz / 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML
by mybossisanass / 04/23/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Love
by iLynz / 04/23/2013 at 2:34am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML
by pleasekillme / 04/19/2013 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the… Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about… Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to…